You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
