cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
