Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
