Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
