it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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