someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
