1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she was so not down for the gang bang
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
