she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
