Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
