its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
