someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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