is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
