yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
