lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize