LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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