Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
