I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
