Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
