Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
