he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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