I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
