in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
