I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
