Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So vagazzling was a success
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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