I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
