happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
