You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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