Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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