i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
