Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
