Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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