Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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