I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
