never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
