I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
