My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
