she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
