after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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