Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
