I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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