Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
