This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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