dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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