I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
