Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
