I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
