Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
