i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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