OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
