So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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