fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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