I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize