he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
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