When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize