like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
