god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
