Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
