she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my shit smells like andre
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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