Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
tell me about the fingering
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