getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
