when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
