booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
