I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
