i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
