Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
