I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
