I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
3 2 1 whiskey
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
