That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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