can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
