I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
