i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
