Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
